When your family would rather stay at hotels then here

[Teddybear]

I have suffered from depression for 20years on/off. Been medicated for it on and off - particularly more so when the father of my kids died followed a few months later by my fathers death.

I'm arguing with my partner at the moment by text...doesn't have anxiety, doesn't know anything about it....only knows I have suffered from depression - doesn't realise it's also linked to my anxiety.

This year has been difficult...moved into a new rental, babysat a friends child over the past 2months at least 9x, my partner's brother and his family stayed at our 3bedroom place 1 night & the baby i was sitting making a total of 11 in my home during the day and 10 at night. Then my partners mother flew in and stayed a week...mix with that my partners best friend and her boyfriend for 3 of those days. I couldn't cope...basically stopped eating at home, went to my room and went to sleep...leaving my kids in their care because my lounge and kitchen were overrun by everyone else. They cleaned, cooked, everything. My partner thinks I go to my room for alone time...like it's a choice.... doesn't get that I can't cope with all these guests all at once. Now everyone is uncomfortable with me and won't be staying here in future - would rather book hotel rooms and best friends boyfriend slept in his car in the driveway because he felt tension and uncomfortable in my home. Don't get me wrong I had warning - I was asked the night before to babysit and told by my partner that the brother and his lot were coming that weekend. I was asked by partners best friend and boyfriend if they could stay the weekend - but they changed plans and didn't tell me - instead told my partner who had to relay the message.

I have nothing against any of them...they are all lovely but I'm destroying my family... and now I think I'm on the edge of needing meds again.

And I'm the bad guy. I stopped eating anything but a slice of bread this weekend...that's all i can stomach. I feel my anxiety is causing my headaches, stomach aches, constantly tired and angry, upset, annoyed.

Hurts to want people around but not to be able to cope with it. Feel like I should let my partner go and get on with life without me...if I just take care of me and my kids then everyone can be happy.

Have a funny feeling my dad suffered from this - he would always run to his bedroom if there were too many people at home...he would introduce himself and all but always retreated back to his room. My little brother (25yrs) is not much for socialising either and we used to have to pry his fingers off the car door to get him to go shopping with us etc...

[dispatch]

Here’s my take on this ... I think you’ve already identified a major piece to your happiness ... you said “if I just take care of me and my kids then everyone can be happy” ... I believe if you use this as a base to build on ... you can start really doing things that make you and your children happy. I think you already know what makes you happy, you know what makes your kids happy ... I suggest keep doing those things. You may find, by focusing on you and your kids happiness ... those that cause you anxiety and tension may not be the best for you ... sometimes they may even get so jealous of your happiness they remove themselves from you ... but, actually, turns out that often times .. that’s not a bad thing. Anyways, best of luck ... keep your sunny side up and have some fun !

[Teddybear]

Thank you for your reply. I agreed to partners brother staying a week...3 of those nights the best friend and partner showed up...unannounced. Friday I couldn't wait to get home and see my kids after an exhaustive day at work...to find that best friend and partners car in driveway...I was angry and depressed all at once...screaming and punching the steering wheel. They trashed the kitchen/dining area and invited another friend over, also found out one had given my 10yr old vodka mix ...then went to town leaving me to clean...I burst into tears. Woke late the next morning to find 2had left on their 3hour drive home and my partner had gone to work. They had trashed the kitchen and lounge and left me to clean on my day off...I find rhis so disrespectful on so many levels. My partner says I should lower my cleanliness levels...and now im angry, depressed, annoyed, I hate coming to this house now...I hate going into the usual rooms that are over taken by guests...am I anxious now or just completely confused grrrr!!!!

[Mateo]

It will be very difficult to do the therapy for yourself in a situation like this. I assume you are a user of the audio therapy series "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Step by Step". It's difficult enough to have and deal with social anxiety every day. It's harder when you're in such an environment. We can't assume that people without social anxiety understand it at all. It seems you will get no sympathy from certain people in your life, and perhaps a complete lack of sympathy. This will make it doubly hard for you to do what's right for yourself. I cannot pretend to say that you are in an easy spot. If you can, ultimately you are the only person who will do, or can do the right thing for yourself. Try to find a calm place, somewhere in your day, a place only for you, where you can do the therapy. Perhaps even in your car away from those distractions before work. Again, this is going to be very hard for you with all the responsibilities you have there. Advice is easy to give and hard to carry out. But again, remember only you can look after yourself. These other people do not appear to be looking after you, nor can we assume that anyone can do that but ourselves. Do not get angrier at yourself for your present situation and for their behavior - I mean, do not pile on more guilt about being socially anxious just because others around you make you feel that way. It's social anxiety - NOT YOU - that makes us feel this. You have a harder situation to face than those of us who still find it hard to do the therapy but don't have this amount of negative people truly interfering in our daily lives constantly. Remember this, and try to do what's best for YOU.