Hello Siobhan - I'm on Session 4...I have kind of been slacking for last few days....need to get back to reading, which I started to do this evening but we are getting ready for kitchen cabinets and we had to clean behind fridge, stove, etc.
Feelings of inferiority? I don't really have tips for that...I guess when I feel that way I kind of side step - maybe it is automatic....I don't think about it and I just get away and avoid those people as best I can. I think the people that intimidate me the most are the pretty, slim, social people who just seem perfect, and I really don't hang around those kinds of people...usually I go to work and come home. I would like to be free of any inferiority, though. Hopefully that will come later in the series.
Going blank...today, my boss asked me something about what did Mr.X say...I had talked to Mr. X 5 minutes before and I just went blank and said "I can't remember". Normally that would panic me. This time I thought I am taking my time until I remember the answer...Then finally I did remember. When I am in a group of strange people I usually just clam up...so no tips there...not yet anyway. My best social tip is to drink ...but I don't do that very much. Usually just at annual work Christmas party and used to be when my brother and wife would come in from out of town and the family would get together, but since my mom died, they don't really come anymore...me and my boyfriend don't hang out with other couples....I would love to be normal, have friends and hang out.
I think the doom and gloom sounds like depression which often accompanies this disorder...I take 100 mg of Zoloft per day...it keeps that at bay I believe. I have taken it for 21 years now!! So I am hesitant to make any changes with that.
My focus is just to feel normal. To live normally without feeling like a freak. To love myself more. To forgive myself more and thus be able to accept and forgive others more. I think one reason that I am so isolated, in addition to social anxiety (or maybe this is part of social anxiety - not sure) is that I am so judgmental of others and I think that really falls back on me judging my own self and coming up short. I'm really a huge introvert.
Hobbies are playing games on the internet, learning to prepare vegan meals, yoga and spending time with my boyfriend and daughter (she's 25). I love to read and love playing with my dogs and cats. I love court TV shows like Judge Judy...is she on TV in Ireland? I work as a secretary/'paralegal in a law office...30 years...eeek....I think I'm so entrenched in this job...it is a comfortable rut.
I'm on facebook - Joan Roberts Jackson - and my email is firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like to contact me ...
You are still a young woman at 52...don't ever, ever give up! Would love to learn more about you also...esp. since we are both about the same age...: