Please forgive me for not commenting on your post sooner. It's very proactive of you to post, to reach out and share something so honestly, something that I would guess also helps others in this community to read. Even if others do not comment, I am sure there is someone who can understand your feeling in some way.
I may not address your points so specifically, but you make me consider my experiences through your post. When we do cognitive therapy for social anxiety, we are often becoming more rational on many things, ultimately more positive too. And that of course is the point, to be who we are without this heavy blanket weighing us down on all issues in our life, some more transactional, let's say - like being able to attend a party or stand in a line calmly, or make a phone call... And other issues like communication and relationships. And there are different levels of anxiety here, and ingrained patters that feel heavier. The relationships we've had with our family members for example - each of those has a long history and life of its own. It's such a strong habit of how we communicate with that person. We may feel we make so much progress in life but back in certain relationships we feel that anxiety again, with that person maybe. I have felt that.
And in your follow up post, yes, it's good to sometimes not take things so seriously, and we can't figure everything out all at once, or pressure ourselves with grand plans that all aspects of our lives will proceed at the same pace of what we might feel is "overcoming" anxiety. You are exactly spot on with your comments in the second post. We can still use the same rational thoughts, we can take that as it comes, and not fight it, though it might be harder to remember that in such cases as you described, with certain people in our lives.
A final thought I had on this, for me, a point that helped me more when dealing with these types of relationships in my life, and also looking for something from someone else, seeking something - for me the strongest thought and idea and mantra I do for myself is "I accept myself today". I accept myself, the good and the bad, just as I am right now. Self-acceptance almost has become the strongest thought for me in all of this. It is an easy thing to say and certainly we could find hundreds of books on self-acceptance - theories or strategies, whatever the book might want to sell us on self acceptance. But knowing that wouldn't have gotten me to feeling that. For me I got more "there" to accepting myself through the steps of the therapy, and the repetition of the cognitive therapy, and the repetition of this idea until it also becomes more a feeling and a natural reaction (an exercised and used neural pathway) rather than some ideal that I could pretend to reach for. And that self acceptance becomes the strongest place, the best place for me to be to also handle those more difficult relationships in my life. Believe me, I don't walk around as some superhero self-acceptance robot. I still remind myself of this and use this when I need to, when I need to remember to go back to the rational. I hope that makes sense.
I enjoyed reading your post. Thank you.