Talking to people more and more


#81

Thank you very much for your reply and your words of encouragement, @cyan

Unfortunately, my kidneys were much worse then I expected in the first place. I had a lot of pain and very high temperature for a long time. My doctor went to a 2 weeks holiday day after my diagnose. He told me to go to a hospital if I get worse. My body temperature went up to 40 C and after 5 days, I decided to go to a hospital.

Hospital in Dublin is absolute nightmare. I had to go to emergency department and there is always thousands people there waiting. As soon as i told my story, they took me to a doctor. They took urine and blood and let me wait. I waited 12 hours for the results.

At one point I complained as I felt really bad and they just give me IV in the waiting room. I met few people from my country working there. I asked them about service there but they were not to confident.

After such a long day, they told me that there is nothing terribly wrong and I have to take my meds and go home. I was happy to hear that and I just went for a bus. When I got home, my temperature was again 40 C. At that point I was sure I will just die.

I was just terribly sad because I had to go trough all that alone and there is no one to help me. Not even a doctor. I had no idea where to look for help and I was almost to weak to move. I was sure something was wrong but doctors just don’t care. I kept taking my meds as prescribed and drank a lot of water. I was running to the toilet all the time. I was thinking how can I go to a hospital tomorrow again and who can I ask to drive me. But, there was no one I could think of. Taxi was my only option and I decided if I don’t feel better tomorrow, I will take one. I will spend a fortune but I have to survive. In the end, I felt so sad and first time since I left, I really wanted to be home where I know everyone and there are many people that would help me.

Beside my home country, I was missing Germany too. There is everything so good organised and things like this couldn’t happen. I was thinking a lot about small town in Bavaria with nice people and beautiful mountains. I even dreamed about the restaurant me and colleagues from work went often. Strange, I never thought I will miss that place. I am usually not nostalgic but I am having weak time.

Few days later, my temperature slowly went down. I started to get my energy back. I told people at work I can’t come for my second week and they asked me to bring doctor’s certificate. Problem is, my doctor is still on vacation and he said he will write it for me when he comes. I hope things will be ok at work, another reason to worry about.

I didn’t really find energy and concentration to work on my therapy. I did what I could but now it is time to move on. On monday, I am going back to work and there will be chance to speak to people.

During these sick days, I am very lonely. Even though people did call me and we talked for hours. Today was the first day I went out for a walk and I just didn’t know what to do. I went for a coffee and for a walk. After that shopping and lunch. And then again a walk and a coffee at the same place. I had a feeling that girls working there think of me as a looser who has nowhere to go. It felt very bad.

One one my housemates came home and called me to go out for a beer. We went and I had alcohol-free Guiness, or something. It was kinda ok evening. Good to be outside. We got 2 new housemates, a couple. I choose to look at it as an opportunity to increase my social circle. We will see…


#82

Hi Miron, That sounds super difficult. I’m sorry to hear you’ve gone through so much. I know a little about health problems and social anxiety because I was hit by a taxi while riding a bicycle two weeks ago and that was a fiasco with the emergency room and coping in general. Luckily, I just broke my elbow and nothing more major happened. I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. I’m super tired and not doing great myself so I’m not gonna write much for now. However, I’ve read some of your posts through my time on this forum and the most important thing I want to say is you seem like a sweet smart cool dude. Take it easy on yourself please. I’ve sometimes felt like you tear yourself up over some random girl(s) or some unimportant person’s opinion. I know how it feels because I do the same but it’s much easier to see when someone else is doing it. I think it’s awesome you’re doing the therapy. Stick with it and do it as suggested and don’t stop for a long time. I say that because I stopped before I should have and went through a lot of suffering as a result. I think the therapy will teach you how to take it easier on yourself and feel better about yourself. Remember you’re good and try hard and can’t be perfect and so what. I’m gonna rest now. Good luck to you and me and all of us.