Sharing my situation and looking for solutions on how to make friends


#1

I don’t even know if this is related on having Social Anxiety. But even so let me tell you guys about my situation first.

When I am in grade school i don’t have problems making friends because that i was kind on them. But now when i got in high school being kind is not enough it’s starts when i have made friends with Bully A (please don’t mind about the name) without even me realized that he was a bully. It goes on days without having problems but suddenly Bully A get his friends and insult me simultaneously. Well the good thing though it is not physical but still I myself can’t stand it when someone insults me without any reason. And I started wearing earphones to prevent from hearing them saying their shit. So i have survived the first year in that school but i decided to transfer into another high school to prevent bully’s and on my second year (being cautious as f on other people) I didn’t make friends because of that. But still there are 1 or 2 people who talked to me in a nicely matter though. So i don’t really have problems on my 2nd year in that new school. But on my 3rd and 4th year it happened again because there is an new transfer student which is a bully (and on that time i was so immersed in anime) and yea in a month or 2 he starts on insulting me and after other seeing what that new transfer student did. For some reason they even did it too. (Not physical bullying instead verbal bullying) and for the same reason without me doing anything to deserve it. So being always bullied I started to think negatively when it comes to others. And voila! i didn’t make friends because i am so afraid that my life would get worse having more bullies in general. And I tried talking to my parents and then they go but after that the bullies still do it. And so i kept on wearing earphones everyday when coming to class until graduating in high school. And that’s where I lose my trust on people in general. Because they will do the same just to have fun in their shitty lives. Then here I am as a senior high school student let’s say that I am lucky for not being bullied or that no one is interested with me anymore. But still I don’t trust anyone so i kept on doing that until i graduated form senior high. Just talking with other people when it comes to group activities and related on studies. And from here I started college. This is where I am having troubles because of the decisions i did when i was in high school. And because of me being quiet no one even notices me even though I having a big body (being fat). Then one day I was with my other classmates going into the classroom but when arriving there i want to go to the comfort room and (pee xD) but when I got back from the comfort room the doors were locked and the professor didn’t even let me in even though i am not late. And since i was marked absent I should be heading home right?? But the problem is my bag is in the classroom and i can’t even get it from the outside since the door’s are locked. so through messenger i told my classmates to please get my bag. But they only seen the message. And the worse is there are groups for reporting in an certain subject. They don’t even told the teacher that i am not late and my bag is there (whether counting that bag as an evidence for me not being late). And yes i get mad too easily with losing that absence because of the only reason of me going to the comfort room drives me mad so when i got in i glared at my classmates and even on the professor. And when I started talking about it in messenger. They don’t even bother reading and telling me just to stop being a kid. (Yeah even I think that i have gone too far on glaring at them.)

So after reading what they said. I just want to stop, it just too hard when someone doesn’t even give a fuck on what I am saying. (Even though it’s partly my fault not telling the prof on me going to the comfort room) I just want someone to tell that prof that I am not late. I even tried to talk to others when i got to college but in the end. No one will give a f on what I am saying.

Even though stealth skills has it’s own limit though.

And the worst part is they always telling me to change… Even though some said to enjoy what u love.
I mean what change do they want? me liking k drama? me dancing even though it’s not my hobby? make friends? but they won’t even accept me as a person…

Questions:

  1. Is being kind to others bad?
  2. How to make friends?
  3. How can i move on from this?
  4. In what ways I can improve more?
  5. How and in what way i can fix myself?

It’s just i can’t even get someone to talk about this so instead i looked for forums that talk about this kind of topic. So if someone could help it would be grateful.
So if you read this until the end and someone might answer to this thanks!


#2

I’ll start by trying to answer your questions:

  1. Being kind to others is never bad. Some people may not appreciate the kind things you do and say, but you should still continue to be kind to them. In the end, you’ll feel better about yourself and you’ll be a better person.

  2. Making friends is not easy when you have trust issues, I definitely understand that. I know it may seem difficult to do, but you should start by not avoiding people and social situations, because that will only allow the mistrust and anxiety to fester and get worse. Don’t throw yourself into too many situations at once, but take some small steps to build your confidence: Say “hello” to someone, tell a joke, ask someone about themselves (people love to talk about themselves lol)
    If you’re nervous about people not accepting you or making of fun of you, remember to tell yourself that those people are not worth your time. If they don’t like you, who cares? They can go pound sand. They aren’t worth the brain cells you’re using to think about them.

  3. You can move on by doing just that: moving on. These situations are over and done with. There’s nothing you can do to change what happened. So, stop dwelling on it. It’s no big deal.
    Try asking yourself that, too: “why am I dwelling on this?” That will help your brain think more rationally about the situation(s) and help you to move on from it.

  4. I would start by trying not to get frustrated about any of it. Those negative emotions will only make you feel worse, and I doubt that’s what you want. The best way to start is by catching yourself whenever you’re feeling angry, frustrated, anxious, etc. and taking some deep breaths and slowing yourself down. When you’re calmer, tell yourself “I don’t want to think/feel this way anymore” or whatever gets the message to your brain that you want to change.

  5. Posting here is a good start :slight_smile:
    The best thing you can do is slow yourself down whenever you’re feeling frustrated or anxious. Take some small steps and ease yourself into trying new things and talking to new people. Don’t flood yourself with situations that you’re not ready for (that only makes things worse and reinforces the negative emotions), but don’t avoid everything either.

Hopefully this made sense and this helps :grinning:


#3

Tried doing the no.3 and yeah i feel like an idiot worrying about something that already happened. But still making friends would took some time but i’ll always remember the answers you gave and try to act according to those and once again thank you very much! :slight_smile: