I've always had an usually poor self image. Hugely distorted.
Logically, I know I don't look terrible but emotionally I feel it.
When I was younger, I sometimes attributed my inability to make friends to my outer appearance. Or I would think, if only I looked a certain way then I can stand up in front of all these people and do a presentation without my voice shaking with fear,
As i've gotten older I have put more effort into my appearance i.e. wearing better outfits, having a better diet, taking care of my skin etc. Yet, I still cannot do presentations without fear or make friends easily- so I realised these issues are not due to my looks. It is something internal.
Despite knowing this, I still feel incredibly insecure about my looks.
On the rare days that I feel pretty, I wish I could read people's minds so that I can get the positive conformation of my belief and therefore I could feel validated and more confident and certain in my looks.
If someone does on the rare occasion compliment my looks I either think their view is biased because i'm their friend or that their beauty standards must be very low (I'm sorry if this sounds bad).
I know my thinking is horribly skewed and unhealthy. But there is a constant battle between my rational thoughts and my irrational feelings when it comes to my outer appearance.
(Sorry if this post sounded incredibly shallow- but it does affect my overall self confidence)
Does anyone have any advice for me? Anyone going through a similar experience?