Other person losing interest in me during conversation


#1

I’ve noticed that during conversations, people’s interest start to dip in me. It’s like when I first start talking, the energy is high and we are both smiling and enjoying the conversation.

However, as the conversation continues, I start feeling the other person is losing interest, and I can feel the energy in our conversation start to fade, and both of us start to mumble and smile a lot less.

I have alot of things to talk about, but I feel I don’t convey my emotions very well in the conversation. My social anxiety might be prompting me to expect this to happen.

How do I fix this? Do I have terrible social skills? Does anyone else have this problem?

Thanks


#2

What you are describing sounds very natural to me. In general, it seems like a casual conversation lasts only 1-3 minutes, so I really don’t think YOU are doing anything wrong. When the conversation starts to fade it is a natural cue to end the conversation with, “Well, it was nice to see you/talk to you”, etc. and walk away. I don’t think people really mind if you continue to talk when they are done. If they need to go, they will say a closing remark such as the one I mentioned. This doesn’t mean they are necessarily tired of talking to you. On the contrary, they have probably enjoyed the conversation, but are ready or need to get on with their day.


#3

Thanks for the reply @ICanDoIt

I feel like that is a relieving way to look at that situation. When I talk to strangers, I think I will start reminding myself of what you wrote.

However, what if I am talking to someone I want to have a conversation with? I noticed people who arn’t my close friends also lose interest quickly if all we are doing is just having a conversation. If we are playing video games its alot easier to start a conversation because we dont need to talk all the time since we just focus on video games.


#4

First, make sure you are approaching someone at a good time. If they are running late, they will not want to talk. Even though I have an issue with eye contact, people do want you to look at them so they know you are paying attention and interested in what they are saying. Third, people love to talk about themselves. Be sure to ask them questions, rephrase what they said and ask for clarifications. Be positive! Really the only time I want to excuse myself from a conversation is when I am in a hurry, they only want to talk about themselves, they are super negative or they are talking about a controversial issue that I don’t want to discuss. You may want to look into buying the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It is quite old, but still applies to modern day. My husband swears by it and rereads it every few years. He’s an engineer and communication is not always his strong point. :wink:


#5

That used to always happen to me; it’s the SA. The good thing is it’s not you. As you continue to heal, the interest is automatic.


#6

Just ran across this in the supplemental materials in Session 6 of the therapy series, and made me think of this thread:

Consider this: People do not dislike you if you “run out of things to say” or “don’t know how to make small talk.” Silences in conversation are normal, and you have no reason to feel awkward about them. It’s what you believe about the situation that makes you feel the way you do.

-“Questions to Ask Yourself at This Stage of Therapy” handout


#7

Has everything to do with them !