My problems as a 22 year old girl


#1

I’m 22 year old and female.
I have always been so shy and introvert.
I feel wired most of the time I encounter with other people because I don’t know what to say and how to act.
I am paralyzed in making eye contact and I wanna melt down when someone looks at me.
as the result of my wired behavior I have no friends.
basically no one is willing to be a friend of mine.
I’m 22 and I should have a job now but I don’t because I act wired in interviews and I feel like I have no skill.
I’m a baby face and I look like 15 which makes me more anxious about others impression of me and underestimating me.
I have never been on a date since i look so young and people around me think I’m a selfish person because I don’t talk a lot and obviously I’m not a funny girl.
I don’t know what I should do with my life.
I feel lost.


#2

Hey AIDA! Have you considered trying the Dr. Richards’ therapy? It certainly sounds like you have social anxiety. I am on session 16 and I’ve already seen massive improvement, so I would strongly suggest you do the therapy.


#3

Hi AIDA,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, experiences and feelings with us here. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote here as I went through things like that in the past. At my old jobs, I felt very intimidated by some people and inadequate, even though intellectually I KNEW I had some good skills that were valuable.

Myself, I’ve only ever been on 2.5 dates (and I say .5 because one of them lasted less than an hour because of super poor planning on my part :thinking: ), and while they were fun they never went past that first-date stage. Those also happened after I was older than you are now. Never had a real relationship.

Meanwhile, I’m a self-employed guitar teacher starting his own school, doing quite well with it, and when I told a few select students about me taking the therapy program, their reaction was “REALLY???!!! I never would have guessed!”

So we all have our problems. But many of us work through and overcome those problems, so if you’re just like us, who’s to say you can’t do the same? :slight_smile:

You’re 22 years old right now. It’s VERY VERY easy to think to yourself “man, I’m 22 years old and there’s so much I haven’t done yet…” and get down on yourself. Believe me, I’ve done that many many times over the course of my life, and it never makes me feel better or encourages me to succeed.

Here’s the real truth…you’re 22 YEARS OLD! I know this may seem weird to think about, but you’re still very young! You’re not a kid, no, but you’re still a very young adult, have many, many, many years ahead of you, and are not the only person who has been in your position at your age (I’m only 24).

I think if you give this therapy an honest effort…do the work exactly the way Dr. Richards instructs you to do (no more, no less), you will be able to overcome this beast that’s holding you back. I want to read that success story when it happens! :slight_smile:


#4

thank you for your reply.
I try to do my best :slight_smile:


#5

thanks a lot for letting me know your ideas.
I will do my best to help myself. :slight_smile:


#6

Hi Aida,
You are not alone, I can relate to what you say. I too always looked much younger and as an adult, people still often thought I was a child and didn’t mind to tell me so! It made me absolutely miserable when I was younger.
Applying for jobs is very difficult and stressful and I understand you are wondering what to do with your life. It is never an easy question to answer.
I have started the therapy of the SAI and am finding it very helpful so far. I am 27 now but wish I had have taken action to get help when I was younger.


#7

thanks for your reply.
god bliss you :slight_smile:


#8

I was surprised that the girls also suffer from it. It seems to me that girls are easier to deal with socialanxiety, but it turns out that it is not.
I also have no friends … it’s hard. I’m used to being alone. I like to stay at home and not go anywhere on weekends.
Sometimes I suffer that I don’t have a girlfriend or friends with whom to have fun … after all, it’s difficult without them. Sometimes you just want someone to hug you.

But you can live like that (loneliness has its advantages)


#9

How many of you have had the experience of telling someone that you have social anxiety, and that person is completely surprised? They wouldn’t have guessed. Maybe, at most, they may think you’re a quiet person. Maybe they don’t think that at all. Nevertheless, they’re surprised that you describe social anxiety and all the issues it has caused you in life. They would never have guessed that at all. Maybe you’re shocked. How could they not see it?!

How many of you have told your parents at some point, and they are surprised as well? Or they might say, nah, you don’t have this so-called anxiety! I’ve never seen you like that at all!

How many comments on this board have expressed the feeling that they feel like they’re the only one with this issue? You’re all alone. It’s just you, nobody else.

You know truly in your heart that this crazy, confusing thing has crippled you. Yet others don’t see it so much. Part of social anxiety is struggling to never let others know we have this embarrassing thing, right? So we play defense. Does this come as a surprise to you now that you may not think some other person also has social anxiety?

How can someone else not see that I have this thing?!! And yet, we all do the same. People tell me they have social anxiety. I’d never have guessed it, unless they tell me. Then they tell me in words I know to be true. I know when they don’t have social anxiety, also, when they describe something different. You would know that, too, because you have social anxiety. Every person that comes to the groups looks at the other group members and feels like the other folks surely don’t have it.

There’s no reason to think you’re the only one with social anxiety. Look at the stats.
There’s no reason to think some other person, no matter how they look, would never have this issue.
There’s no reason to think that another gender wouldn’t have social anxiety. All kinds come to our groups here. Men, women, sexual orientation - doesn’t matter.
There’s no reason to think some other country doesn’t have social anxiety. People have come from other countries to the groups here, South America, the Mid East, Central Asia, East Asia, the Subcontinent, Europe.
There’s no reason to believe that someone rich or seemingly succesful person wouldn’t have this. We’ve had business owners in the groups, doctors, lawyers.
There’s no reason to think that married people or people who are in relationships wouldn’t have social anxiety. We get those, too.
There’s no reason to think some famous people wouldn’t have social anxiety.
There’s no reason to assume that such and such person who can give a really good presentation doesn’t have social anxiety. For some folks, presentations don’t “matter” to them in terms of their social anxiety.
There’s no reason to think a retired older guy, former chief of the fire department wouldn’t have social anxiety - he was in my therapy group.

There’s no reason to go around assuming everyone has social anxiety, either. At least, you’re not alone in some parallel universe where this irrational thing has chosen you and only you to torment. It’s a thing that luckily we now know about, and we know how to make progress to get over it.


#10

Excellent post Mateo, beautifully said.

When I told a couple students of mine, they were bewildered. When I told a couple friends, they were surprised and confused.

And on the flip side, when one of those students I told, told ME that she has some social anxiety as well, I was surprised at first too! And when a very good friend asked me about the program I was taking, I was surprised by her inquiry too.

We hide it very well…but I’ve found it very liberating when you’re open and honest about what you have. Still need to tell my parents about it, but I will.


#11

such a wise answer.
I really don’t tell a lot of people that I have social anxiety and when I do, people usually say
“Oh no your not. you are just shy and introvert.” or “don’t name yourself with these mental diseases.your making it a huge deal.” and etc.