Thanks for being open and sharing, @TLady84. I really like what @Susannalouise wrote, about focusing on other, more positive things. I can understand what you mean in some ways. I feel like the past few years have been full of change as I realize that some friendships I've had for a while are a bit toxic. Now that I'm developing deeper friendships with a couple people, I have the feeling of, "Oh, so that's what a healthy friendship is like." Sometimes I struggle with guilt--I suppose it's another big ANT--about wanting to exit those unhealthy friendships. I see old pictures, and think, "Wow, all that time together and now things are so different, in our interactions and with how I feel toward them." But then when I'm with those people in the present day, I remember why I don't like hanging around them anymore. In fact, I think they're part of the reason that I developed SA! Bringing up embarrassing stories about me in front of people, etc.
Tonight I started feeling the guilty ANT head my way again, as I don't have plans tonight but my husband does (which is fine), so I'm home alone. But then I started thinking about other priorities in my life: business goals, personal goals, family and a few close friends that matter to me, and the potential new friends that I'll make from going to events for things that interest me. The future is bright!
Your post was written a few years ago, and I hope that you have had the chance to develop some healthy friendships with other women who build you up. And if it's not quite there yet, that's ok - take it a day at a time, make small talk with people longer than you normally would, and eventually things will fall into place!