I’m young 19 and I have moderate social anxiety. Always been a quiet boy but once I get to know someone I can be very talkative and playful when I was a child. That maybe due to the fact on how I raised and my father rarely goes out on social occasions and keeps us children at home. I was always the curious child that looks at something and copy and do it and I was very clever for my own good. In primary school I participated in every school activities and always got good grades. That was due to the fact that I don’t feel judged as a child and you know all a child want to do is have fun and don’t care what other thinks. I can say my childhood was typical but the lack of social activities at home contributed to my social anxiety now. My parents are not really social people and are strict serious most of the time. Expecting us to achieve something academically and study most of the time. They also forbid me and my siblings to talk to strangers and go home straight after school and not stay late after night time. From this experience I always been anxious on meeting people. In the beginning of my teenage , I develop feeling that i was an unattractive guy and girls would make fun of me. People would say I was too quiet and smile a lot. That was because I always feel awkward talking to someone so I will smile shyly because I felt like I was being judged on how I looked and reacted. This feeling developed until I became too shy to participate in school activities in the fear of humiliating myself in front of everyone. It was not before back in primary when I felt free and not being judged all the time. A contributing factor was also due to the fact that in my preteen years my father brought a house in a quiet neighborhood in a fenced area and we rarely go out. I always wanted to go out and have fun as a child but now i feel fear and the opposite. In senior high school until now I rarely participate in sports and social activities because I am too shy. Although I try to act normal in front of people and people don’t notice and say I am not a social person deep down I feel like different person because I got so many things to express but my mouth can never speak to words. My brain goes into a state of working hard and thinking everyday I find it hard to concentrate. My grades have gone down and I feel like I missed out in many things in life. I feel worthless although I always willing to try new things fear stops me. At family occasions I also feel like my own family is judging me and saying I don’t achieve anything and I’m just a waste of time so I try to avoid by making an excuse. I feel lonely and suicidal sometimes. Lot’s of girls asked me but I am always too scared of not living up to their expectations. I’m an attractive guy now but I still feel social anxiety. I have lot’s of friends but never told anyone. Everyone thinks I am normal but since I’m clever I try my best to hide it. It feels like I’m mimicking everyone else and not really showing who I am. I really want to get rid of this disease and don’t have a care in the world of what others think. I don’t want to seem boring and not interested in other people. Really I want to achieve many things because deep down I feel like I want to make my family proud but social anxiety is stopping me. Please help me before my life become a bunch of boring as I get older
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Social anxiety is not a life sentence. Overcoming it is truly possible.