Hey everyone. There is a specific aspect of my social anxiety disorder that has really flared up in recent years and is threatening my ability to do my job. When faced with verbal confrontation (even very mild confrontation) I get a horrible physical response that leaves me nearly incapable of communicating my thoughts and in turn, performing my job. That is, my heart starts pounding very hard and my voice tightens up to the point where I can barely verbalize without sounding like I'm starting to cry. It's a fear fueled adrenaline rush that I seem to have zero control over.
What is so frustrating about this is, I KNOW I'm not in any physical danger, nor is my job any danger. Somehow, I perceive someone disrespecting me as a threat. A threat to what I'm not sure. Eckhart Tolle would probably say I'm perceiving the event as a threat to my ego. I don't completely understand this concept, I'm trying, but I desperately need to get this under control.
Does anyone here have any experience with this??
These situations are so bad, so embarrassing, that even on the weekends I can't relax anymore, I'm thinking about this all time, dreading the next confrontational conversation at work. And don't get me wrong, I don't work in a confrontational environment, I believe these are normal every day human interactions I would have in any field, any office. And these are civil conversations, just with an element of contention. For example, a younger colleague may not follow my instructions or challenge the rationale behind doing things a certain way. We aren't fighting about it, but just the fact there's tension in the air sets something off with me. I have all the thoughts and right things to say in my head, I just can't overcome the physical aspect to say what needs to be said.
I've thought about trying to find a therapist to deal with this aspect specifically, while going through Dr. Richards series at the same time. But I feel like the physical response problem has become an emergency, so I'm trying to figure how to deal with it and my sa at the same time.
If anyone has any thoughts on this I would love to hear from you.