Few words about my current progress


#1

Hi guys

Recently, I wanted to write a post about how good I am doing. I remember starting to chatt with random people at work and sometimes even attractive woman. That used to be a big peoblem for me and I realized I made no progress because I make a big deal out of it.

Eeg. If I have a chatt with a girl, I runn home and write a post on forum about it. When in reality, it should be something normal, every day stuff.

I don’t remember other positive things that happened and now I am sorry cause I didn’t write that post.

Week before was also a nightmare as I spent most of it fighting a setback. I couldn’t do the therapy properly and I decided to slow down and repeat last 2 sessions so I can move forward. I kinda read the handouts about turning the tables on ANTs but I felt very bad the whole time, like the ANTs are winning. I don’t see how can I make the balance sheet for my work.

I have a problem at work where there is just to many people around. I don’t have any control over the situation. I come in and have a chat with 10 of them but I meet more of them every second. Few times I have felt like I didn’t miss greeting anyone and I was comfortable walking around and going for my lunch. Other times, I just walk silently past some people and it is extremely uncomfortable meeting them again in the office. Some of them don’t want to say anything and just look the other way. I feel like they are punishing me for ignoring them yesterday.

I became very friendly with a girl that sits near me but that put me under more pressure every time I come in. Like, we had a long chatt yesterday and now I need to chat more!? And then I just walk by without a word and she hates me now. I have to walk past her desk 10 times today, terribly uncomfortable. And I can’t blame her, she was to nice all the time. I feel so guilty about those things… If it was a man it would be so much easier.

Last week my strongest setback was the fear that I will become homeless. I moved in with new housemates and I tried to be tidy and quiet in new house. But I got sick and I went 15 times a night to a toilet. I was sure they can’t sleep and they hate me. I was waiting for them to ask me to move out. Actually, no one said anything and I think they are happy with me. My fears were so realistic and people in the forum helped me a lot.

On friday I am going home on 2 weeks vacation. I am not happy as I feel I will do my therapy and probably feel better at home but I will think about coming here and have the same problems I will be having. I am a bit scared of this office. I want to hide in the corner untill everybody leaves.

Of course, my fight continues. I keep reading handouts every day and soon I should feel better. Hopefully…

I would really appreciate your opinion about my situation as I could use a bit of rationality. Thank you!


#2

What would you say if it were someone else writing this post? What advice would you give them?

Ultimately, through the therapy you must be developing the ability to think more rationally. To do so, you have to identify your irrational thoughts. You have to be able to consider, come up with, then put into place for yourself these rational thoughts. It’s a gradual process for us all.

Do this as an exercise here and now: identify what you feel are rational thoughts relative to the points you make in your post. Don’t do this for me, either. Do it for yourself honestly. Answer these questions:

What does it mean to have control over a situation, any situation? Do you need to control the situation at work? Is it possible to do that? Identify what this means.

What do you think when other people chat with you? Is this important stuff? Does everyone in your day always greet you and chat with you? If they do, how do you feel? If they don’t, how do you feel? Whose responsibility is it to begin a chat? How do you feel if someone walks silently by you, someone you see every day? Should a person greet everyone they pass every time they pass a person?

Do you carry hatred for people if they don’t chat with you?

Where do feelings come from? Discomfort, blame, guilt? Are external forces producing these feelings?

What would you think if a person was sick and used the toilet many times? What would you think of a person who was angry about another person being sick?

What does the therapy say about negative feelings?


#3

Thank you very much for your answer, @Mateo

I was thinking about balancing my exposure at work so I can make it easier. That is what I meant when I said I have no control. I feel like I am making a assault every time I come into the office. I don’t know how to balance between not avoiding (which I can’t do) and overwhelming my self. And the whole office culture is to be friendly with everyone and communicate a lot. Sometimes I joke that it looks like a zombie apokalipse. Hundreds people wandering around everywhere just saying “hi, how are you”. I am not really sure if this is funny to anyone.

The truth is, I don`t really know what is reality. Sometimes I can guess but my feelings tell the opposite and I can’t be sure in anything. I see what you mean and I know you are right.

I just blame my self as I can’t blame other people. They really get out if their way to connect with me and that for sure makes me even more anxious.

I need a break from this place. Tomorrow I am flying home. Thank god…

Hopefully it gets better when I come back. I will have the time privatelly to work on my therapy and record all the handouts I need.