Hi again. You mentioned breaks and I thought that maybe I can add something on that. One thing that has helped me and is continuing to help is the way of slowing everything down and taking your time. SA is very different for each person; my anxiety (which includes generalized) is centered around rushing things and speeding up. I learnt about my SA condition in summer, around August. I don't remember every detail, but I think I accepted it very quickly because it was the time when I was looking for answers. So I felt that I finally found the answer to most of my confusion. I will add that it has been seven month now and I am continuing to reveal some little answers about my past and why I was the way I was. Now I accept them gently. Then I was anxious to overcome all this. I found the pdf of the handouts (old version) on the internet and started working on it. I tried to do week by week. I don't remember, to be honest, how I did the therapy except just reading it out loud. Doing the therapy in this way I quit after some seven weeks. I think, I tried to use it in my social situations, anxious for good results. Overall, I was speeding up. Then, my condition worsened, week by week, then day by day. One good day I decided to slow things down - by myself! - and start the therapy again from zero. I bought the series and started doing it. First weeks were hard in terms of taking things seriously and not speeding up. I would catch myself speeding up, my thoughts, my speech, everything. Then, what happened I think, although I am not sure, is that the therapy didn't work because I wasn't calm during my practice time and also I expected something from it, so my condition worsened again. This time it beat harder. It is there when I took the break. I slowed down everything. It was like everything I needed to know was slowing down and nothing else. I would wake up with anxious thoughts, I would notice it, and tell myself to slow down. I would lie in bed breathing slowly until I would feel somewhat comfortable with myself. I would do that everywhere. Whenever I would catch myself speeding up, I would slow myself down. This was in January, one and a half month ago. I am on session 8 now, still slowing things down, but with a steady progress. There is another thing I want to say about this.
I think, the reason for my speeding up - and consequently for my anxiety - is that I would recognize that there is some necessity inside me, in my soul, and I would become anxious to satisfy this necessity. And the result would be a fail and one more step back from ever reaching this necessity. I think I understood that then. So what I had told myself, and am continuing to tell, is: "Hey, dear inner me and my necessity. I am seeing you, I am getting your call. But right now I cannot act on that. Instead, let me slow things down so I would better understand what you mean and understand the ways to act. Also, as you know, I am doing a CBT therapy, so right now it is better for us to do that and do it slowly so we would better understand and proceed further more confidently. Then, one day, you the necessity would for sure be paid a far better consideration, the one that you deserve".
Right now I am doing better and thus allowing myself to try and practice fulfilling some of my necessities, and thus being busy, which means I don't hear other necessities making their way to my mind and heart. Still, I remind myself of that, that I am working towards my necessities and therefore should allow myself to relax. Back then such a mindset was crucial for me to achieve some little peace. Even though I was anxious and had body pains, and was very much disconnected from the world by my slowing down, I could achieve this peace.
Your word, that you are muddling through this on your own made me anxious to write all this) If I would add something to the therapy that we are all receiving and working on is that we should calibrate everything by our necessities. For me it helped to slow things down and see what I really want. I would differentiate one genuine wanting from the anxious ones and hold on to it. That would encourage me to keep going. I know, every person's situation is different, but for me the most precious thing that the therapy had provided me was this ability to differentiate the real important things. Again, every person is different.
I also do yoga. And today we were doing an asana where we would lean to our hands and foot (like in push-ups) and stand still with our body straight. The teacher said then, "improve your stamina, improve yourself". What I noticed then was that I was indeed not really trying to stand still and straight. My stamina was low. But I wasn't thinking about it or at least not thinking about it with interest and concern. But when he said, improve yourself, I realized that that's where the problem sometimes comes. We want to improve ourselves, but we are not that keen to improve our stamina. I still have to understand this myself, so I leave it there and finish. I want to add that yoga is a very peaceful practice and improving yourself, here it is improving your stamina, is something that should ease your path, not something that should pressure you.
Dear Erik. Sorry that I am so rhetorical in my replies to you. Everyone is different and special, I may the one who is serious with anxiety. I like how you react to it, as far as I could discern from your comments) More relaxed and more warm. I very little engage in my warmness. My counselor is a gelstat psychologist and she is interested in this aspect of my condition. It is somewhat hard for me, and it was much harder then, to choose my focus, where I could try to analyze things. And she helps me with that, as now she gives me focus and I can reflect about myself in a safe space. Being gentle with yourself, recognizing where things are easier for you and harder for you, and bending, not pushing, makes my day happy. Sorry to hear about your psychologist. You will find a new good one soon, I am sure, if this is important for you. Life is not always against us) Thank you for responding and for the chance to speak all this out.
Wish you all the best. I feel things sometimes and with you I feel a great personhood)
Would be glad to hear from you anytime, too. Bye!