Feeling bitter towards people from my past


#1

Does anybody else suffer from an irrational feeling of bitterness towards those who have put you in a position of increased anxiety for their own purposes?

For example, I was the butt of a few jokes right in front of me that were cruel and unfair but I froze and couldn’t react. I feel bitter about it, but should really be able to get over it as it isn’t helping my SA.


#2

Hey Duncan,

Yep sure do feel that way. But what can you do…

I’ve found some relief by pinpointing a specific person and what they’ve said or done that has affected me and I think in some way it’s helped me to stop thinking the negative thoughts brought on by that person. Because it’s not actually me that thought those things about myself in the first place it’s someone else and maybe they were going through a rough time or have a lot of their own negative thoughts.

I think a lot of the things that affected me happened when I was really young and it’s when you’re only really learning about the world so I guess it’s easy for it to become a part of your way of thinking.

Maybe it’s good to explain some events that scarred you? Could help…


#3

As an example…

I was at a professional conference. I was speaking to some people, one of them made a joke about how shy people are virgins, looked straight at me and said “Isn’t that right, Duncan?”. Everyone else had a little chuckle, but the mental wounds are still there 4 years later. For a 2 second laugh, that person has left me with a feeling that starts and made me feel angry and bitter for years, and embarrassed and less willing to speak to people. It set my SA back hugely.

I guess others never know how it is for someone with SA, but I am also hyper-aware of how my actions affect others, which makes me more inhibited as I don’t want anyone to feel bad about themselves.