I just read your story and I'm in a situation where I'm at a cross roads.
I started dating a guy with SA about 9 months ago, he was my employee, we'd worked together for almost three years and I saw him and it was like a lighting bolt, that's only happened twice in my life. I new he was my type but I was married going through issues he worked for me and I never thought about it again. fast forward to 2 years later, I separated from my husband 10 months ago, we are heading through divorce now. I found out Adam, liked me through a mutual friend and we began seeing each other. It was great at the beginning, I did know he was introverted and shy so I took the lead, believe it or not I was attracted to him for those reasons and how smart he was. There is this sweetness in his eyes, and smile that make me melt and smile the moment he's near me. He touches me and I feel his energy go right through me. At the beginning he would say nice things and flirt. We became intimate about two months after and although he was shy and almost innocent our connection and intimacy was there. He's so sweet when he wants to be, he doesn't say much but once in a blue he just says the perfect thing and it's like the best thing anyone has ever said (almost like Jack Nicholson in as good as it gets)
Been dating on an off, because at times he closes off and then comes back, usually because I initiated a meeting or date. We have this friend in common and he confided in this person. Things always get weird around holidays and birthdays. He tells my friend he's into me, but he's no able to be a boyfriend right now as he's going through some issues with not sleeping, and other stuff. For past two months after my birthday he just pulled away, hadn't seen him in two months, only contact we had was through text and memes. Never thought I'd ever be the type of person who'd look forward to a meme, but I knew that was his way of staying connected. We stopped working together a few months ago and I know that messed him up. We spoke after and I assured him I wanted to continue and be with him. Fast forward to now, I'm crazy about him, even with everything I love how I feel when we are together but the problem is after I leave, i never know if I'll see him in a week, 2 weeks a month and now it's been two. I feel we'd gotten closer and he was telling my friend how amazing it was but then it just shifted completely. I feel he got scared and is subconsciously sabotaging what we had, cuz he fears eventually I will go cuz they all leave him eventually.
Now ready for this he hasn't told me he suffers from social anxiety, what he doesn't know and I've kind of told him is I grew up with a younger brother who suffered from a form of it. I've never had any patience for any man in my life. Yet I get him, i understand him. I've seen glimpses of how amazing we can be together. But he's pulling away.
I'd told him a week ago we had to talk via text, I was pmsing I missed him, his attempt, as childish, but now thinking about it, he tried and I know I made him feel bad.
Yesterday was our mutual friends party and she told him I was going to get him, he thought it was both of us and when he found out it was just me he started to freak "she's going to yell at me, reprimand me, what do I say". My friend calmed him and said she won't do any of that, you will see"
So we saw each other and we had a good time he got in my car and gave me a kiss close to my lips, we ended up leaving party together but I couldn't inciate i wanted him too as I was feeling like maybe he doesn't want me, or what if I make a fool of myself and he now just wants to be friends. When dropping him off, I wanted to have the talk and I tried to say "how you been, you've been ghost fora while" and he seemed to get defensive so I changed the subject. I'm shy too and it's hard for me. He leaned in a gave me a slow tap kiss and I didn't really go in waiting for him to grab me, I felt if I went in he would pull away, but ugh I'm so mad at myself, I wanted to grab him kiss him, go upstairs and make love, but I was scared that we'd make love and then he dissapear again and then my insecurities come into play.
I just want to write him at this point and just say "I'm here, I'd like to continue getting to know each other, I like and care for you, enjoy what we have, no demands or expectations, it's been a little weird between us but want you to know I understand you needing space, and when your ready we can resume". Something along those lines.
Problem is Im falling for him, I feel he was heading there too and he's pushing me away now, how do I stop that from happening, and get him to give us a chance???? Help
Hopeless in NY