Ashamed how i look


#1

Hello everybody,

Sorry for my English,i hope you understand me.
I m 35 years old and i still have social anxiety.
I managed to live with my social fear through the years but i have enough off it.

Thanx for the audio series dr Richard, you re a life saver.

I have this problem, when i look in the mirror i am ashamed of how i lookrd. I try to say something positive about myself but it doesnt feel right.
When people or friends takes a picture of me i feel disgusted off myself… there s something wrong with me. How can i overcome this…

Greets John


#2

i used to have this, dr richards did too and so have many other people that went through the program. there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you, and this problem can be dealt with. most importantly, dont drive yourself crazy over this.

I try to say something positive about myself but it doesnt feel right.

i doesnt need to right away. your brain firmly believes that your looks are terrible, so telling it the opposite once or twice wont make it go away. you need to persisently tell and repeat to yourself that you look ok or even good(start at “possibly ok”, or “maybe not that bad” and then move up, not all in one day of course. if you havent read the “turning the tables on ants” handouts, this is where the process is described in detail). dont get discouraged if your feeling doesnt change, or you feel like a liar when you tell these things to yourself, just keep going.

hold on to any information that contradicts this negative view of yourself and repeat it to yourself. if anyone told you that you look not that bad/ok/decent/good thats good, if you have instances of a member of your prefered gender indicating interest, thats even better. find something that you don’t hate about the way you look. try to like something about yourself and focus on it.

this can and will go away when you do the therapy persistenly and apply the methods on the problem (meaning that you see these thoughts for what they are - ants). don’t give up, you might be suprised how much your perception can change.


#3

Thanx,

This is the first time in my life that i allow myself to talk about it and that somebody understands me.
Maybe i am not that weird :smile:

It s difficult for me to see the good stuff about me but i’m going to do my best.

So i’m going to Stop the Ants and the irrational thinking and try say something neutral or positive.

Greets John


#4

The point you made about starting with “possibly ok” or “maybe not that bad” is a great one. I still get this wrong sometimes after going through the therapy several times now. Even some conditional statements in the series may not be conditional enough for some of us, so to speak.

I put up such big walls when I started the therapy due to fear that I almost wasn’t willing to even turn the tables on the ANTs. I would go too positive and just try and force it. It wasn’t until I went through the series several times that I started to realize how much using conditional language helps the brain be more accepting. I’m realizing now I may even have to back up a few more steps on some negative beliefs and go even more conditional, and say things like “possibly ok” or “maybe not that bad”. Thanks for the insightful post. :grinning: