I honestly thought I was the only one to go through this, and both feel sad for you and oh my goodness me, I am not alone for me!
Recently someone said to me; but if you had the perfect house, would you still feel comfortable others coming here? And we both concluded that no, I wouldn't feel comfortable and that it is within me that has the issue.
As it happens, I unwitting proved both the other person and myself wrong.
My husband had an inspirational thought with our kitchen and now, it looks amazing and I am happy to have people come over. I feel proud that I can keep things clean and tidy and that the insignifant areas has something charming in it and I have aften envied others who can achieve this and suddenly I can.
However, if someone knocks at the door, I will pretend I am not here. People know that they have to text me before coming over, so I can prepare myself mentally to be hospitable with them and there have been nurmous times when someone has just popped over and as they are walking towards me, I feel a sense of unreality and my head is screaming: go away and leave me alone! But I am smiling away. So, two different personalities going on.
Recently, after years of suffering social phobia, I have finally been officially diagnosed and soon to see a social worker, to help me receive a little bit of help.
My husband is an insecure person too; but he is a very much of a: just get on with it kind of person, but to give him his due, he has been very supportive of me. He checks out public toilets and then explains how to get to them and if there are stairs or too in the face of others, he will walk with me and wait. If we are with others, he discreetly says: we are just popping to the toilet and it appears we are just crazily in love lol
I know of two others who have social phobia; but both of theirs are not as excruiating as my own and I tell you, I rather we were all on the same level either me not as bad or them as bad. However, one said to me that when he cannot cope, he gives himself permission to leave the "scene" and that has helped me enormously. The other one told me how she popped into her local town centre one day and the following day, her husband said could she pop something in the following day? The evening and he asked her if she had remembered and she confessed that she could not go in and he was like: what the heck! But you went in ok the other day, so why not this time? She could not explain it; just seemed to be an invisable wall before her and she could not step over it. He just said she was crazy and walked off.
My husband has said I am crazy before; but generally, he is pretty decent and helpful.