So, I haven't been around here for at least a few weeks, and that's because I successfully completed all 25 sessions!! (Woohoo!)
Of course, I know that doesn't been that I've completely done away with SA (unfortunately), and that's why I'm here.
I was having a Skype call with my parents and sister last Monday just to catch up with everybody as I live in a different country away from them.
My sister had just gotten back from a mission trip somewhere, and was all 'fired up' about going and saving souls as 90% of the world is 'lost' and 'going to hell.' Also, it's our fault that this is happening because we're not 'answering the call.'
Well, this is one of my hugest triggers, and to make matters worse, I openly disagreed with her on something that she said, and that's all it took for her to begin a huge tirade that essentially stated the best I can be is like filthy rags and that I need to ask forgiveness for my sins. She went on like this for nearly 5 minutes while my mind slowly began to snap.
At that point I was afraid she'd blow up for asking her why I told her to stop sharing. 'Was this because I'm living in sin??' I thought she would ask. It was like a Catch-22.
Instead, the conversation continued, I said my piece, and she rolled her eyes at me three seperate times and looked at my parents to see what they had to say. On the other hand, whenever she said something, such as 'We need to GO AND TELL!' my parents would nod their heads and grunt in agreement like the brainwashed, funamentalists my family members are...
Honestly, I'm hurt because I cant have a 'normal' relationship and be honest with my family. They're like crabs in a pot, trying to pull me back in with them.
Eventually, I feel like i'll have to tell them exactly what i think, even though I'm afraid, because when I told them in college that i was agnostic, my dad yelled at me and my mom left the room in tears.
I'm going to start over again with the SAI program. I've come a long way but still have a much longer way to go before I become the person I want to be. Until then, I'll keep taking one step at a time...