I was on the train setting alone and then I joined by two Australian women and other passengers.
We were about 8 in one room. So it was full
English isn't my first language. The two Australian women started talking. I listened to them very attentively. I absolutely fell in love with the way they were talking. It's fluent, colourful, expressive and it radiates with confident.
It's about 3 hours to reach my stop and it felt as if half an hour except when I thought of joining the conversation... I hesitated for 15 minutes, and all the negative thoughts and feelings jumped at me, ' You are so hungry and thirsty (I was fasting) and you are tired and feeling unwell, so you will look so anxious. Your English is not that good and it will tak you forevre to find the right words... People will looking at you and they are going to notice your anxiety and dislike you for it.'
Luckily, I was aware of these ANTs thoughts and feelings, so I stopped them and used everything I learned from Dr Richards handouts. I realised that these thoughts and feelings are liars and I proved them so for many times. I took a deep breath, calmed myself and decided to move to my peace zone and loosen up. I said to myself that I did something like that many times and nothing happened to me. I was still alive. I thought that I'm at a point where it's ok for me to look anxious in front of other people. It's no big deal and it's certainly not the end of the world. One very important thing that I reminded myself of is slow talk.
Having done all this, I decided to talk... I know my voice was weak not because of anxiety but because of the faigue. However, it's was a lot better than I expected. They liked me. Yes, I was a bit shy and they probably noticed that but I know they liked me. Slow talk was of great help. I talked with them. I asked them questions and anwered theirs. I truly enjoyed it although I wasn't completely at ease. But I'm satisfied. They are such wonderful women. I have never met kinder and smarter women. If I hadn't talked with them, I would have felt defeated and guilty and I would missed the opportunity of getting to know those beautiful ladies.
I wasn't perfect but I was ok and afterwards I gave great credits to myself for challenging my ANTs thoughts and feelings